


Last Mile Of The Way

by 185cmbaekhyun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Car Racing, Cheating, Jealousy, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Phone Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:20:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26437090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/185cmbaekhyun/pseuds/185cmbaekhyun
Summary: Sehun's only passion was for his car and for racing. All of that changed when he met Jongin.There was only one small problem, though. Jongin already belonged to Chanyeol, Sehun's greatest competitor.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun, Kim Jongin | Kai/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 43
Kudos: 182





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Blame this on all of my moots on Twitter who kept fueling my mind with amazing ideas for this one. You know who you are. I hope you like this one. 
> 
> This is probably not accurate at all with real car races, I don't even drive lmao. 🤷🏽♀️
> 
> Tags will be added as I update.  
> Updates will happen at random :)  
> Not beta-ed :/

The grease and smell of gasoline always felt like home to Sehun. A smile instantly bloomed on his face as soon as he strode inside the pit-garage to pick up his baby. Already he spotted the vehicle waiting for him through the lines of cars, freshly polished and shining opullently under dim lights, sitting on a scissor lift. Sehun sighed delightedly and shuffled closer, trailing a hand delicately over the sleek hood of his McLaren GT. 

“I toughened up the engine for you. You’re all set for the next race. Thank me later,” Lucas spoke over the sizzling sound of garage gears roaring and clanking in the background. Lucas never ceased to amaze when it came to fixing up Sehun’s baby so dutifully whenever a new unexpected repair was required. The mechanic had a dirty hag shoved into the front pocket of his stained jeans, face smudged with grease and skin glimmering with sweat, like a true repairman.

“Tomorrow lunch is on me. Got it.” He chuckled amicably. Lucas exclaimed an excited sort of happy giggle from the back of his throat and retreated to the back of the shop as he was requested by the engineers. 

“I’ll have the lift lowered for you, hyung!” He shouted cheerfully as he jogged away. Sehun stepped back, stupefied eyes roaming over the length of his car. Its black, satin-metal looking armours looked brand new and reinforced after the minor crash he got himself into during his last race that resulted in slight bends on the bumpers and deep scratches littered on the doors. 

Sehun had never felt so overwrought. Not for his own injuries, they weren’t so vital anyway. 

The lift buzzed and slowly lowered until the car was leveled on the ground. There was a thrill itching beneath Sehun’s skin as he prompted the Wing Doors to slide upwards. Sehun threw himself inside the vehicle barely keeping his eagerness at bay. Instantly the long range comfort of its interior sent him into a state of utter bliss. He ran his hands over the soft-grain leather seats, and contemporary panel. He wrapped his hands around the wheels, just to feel the weight of it under his palms, and grip it tightly just to remind himself of the feeling of racing. 

Finally, he stuck the keys into the ignition and turned, the thrum of the engine immediately soothing him. When he looked up, from behind the windshield, he caught sight of a man standing not far from his car, his back to him. The man was tall, slender and tanned. That much was startlingly impossible to go unnoticed as the man wore an odd piece of a baby blue crop top and baggy, silky pants that weren’t long enough to cover the notorious length of the man’s legs.

The pants cladding loosely around his tiny waist only made it look even slimmer, and Sehun’s mouth went strangely dry. Despite his slim curves, eye-catching , rigid muscles were distinct on the man’s back, as well as broad shoulders and thick, muscular, veiny arms. From behind the wheel, Sehun stilled suddenly. He had never seen a man like that one around the arena. Scratch that--

_He had never seen such a strikingly gorgeous man his entire life._

Sehun frowned, wondering if the stranger was lost. He clearly didn’t belong there. He was too graceful and too dazzling to be wandering alone at an auto-shop, even more so than Sehun’s own supercar that he was entirely devoted to. He thought he could offer that stranger the same level of adoration with no hesitation whatsoever. 

His beauty deserved no lesser than that. And he hadn’t even seen the man’s face yet. He could only imagine how ravishingly pretty he would be up front. 

Just as Sehun’s curiosity piqued, the pretty figure turned around, catching Sehun by surprise. Whatever Sehun had expected, he was not prepared for that. The man was breathtaking from head to toe, back and front. His lips were full, jaw insanely sharp and a small, delicate nose. There was a bright shade of honey brown in the orbs of his eyes, catching against the sun rays peeking inside the shop. He looked like he was waiting for someone, a bit out of his element, for sure. Nervously, he clasped a hand around the back of his neck, and Sehun’s gaze helplessly lowered to the man’s abs, exposed and firm, bathed in bronze skin. 

Sehun’s usual calm and cool, intimidating composure was damned when his breath hitched, the moment his eyes landed on that pretty face, and sexy waist. 

It was a new, foreign and quite scary feeling to Sehun, meeting someone that took such an effect on him at the very first sight. Numbly, he remained there, motionless, struck in an underlying daze, heat creeping up his whole body. He considered approaching the man, to strike up casual conversation, learn his name, hear his voice. 

Lost in his daze, he didn’t notice when it happened, a certain familiar face had walked over and casually wrapped his arms around that small waist Sehun couldn’t take his eyes off. The man smiled tenderly, turning around to wrap the other in a tight embrace. Sehun scowled when he realized who it was.

Sehun’s biggest competitor, LOEY.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Sehun scoffed under his breath upon realizing who that familiar face belonged to. Sehun couldn’t help watching as the couple shared a gratuitous heavy kiss and held each other fervently. Sehun’s knuckles gripped tighter around the steering wheel, until they turned whiter than they already were. 

The first person who had ever turned his world upside down in the most fascinating ways was just another one of his most disliked person’s play things. How fucking ironic, what a fucking hard pill to swallow, honestly. 

Not wanting to give Loey the satisfaction to catch him looking - wanting, envying - Sehun quickly shook himself off his haze and scrambled out of his car —

“Is that _THE_ Oh Sehun I’m seeing?” Chanyeol’s deep, insufferable voice rang across the garage, halting Sehun’s tracks. “What’s the rush, bro? It’s been a while.”

Sehun cursed internally, praying Loey hadn’t noticed him blatantly checking out the man beside him. Sehun clenched his fists at his side before turning around, putting on his signature straight face, “Surprise! I brought my car for maintenance too!” Sehun replied with feigned enthusiasm. 

Chanyeol surveyed him with a raised eyebrow, lips curving downward in distaste. His hand was still looped around the man’s waist, large palm resting possessively over naked skin, keeping him close. Sehun swallowed the bitter bile that formed inside his mouth, eyes catching the other’s for the first time. Their gazes locked for longer than intended in a suspended moment, until the other looked away first, shyly lowering his gaze. 

“Watch out next time, man. You might not survive if you get yourself in another crash.” Chanyeol said, a sarcastic tone swathing his voice. Sehun squinted at him in disbelief, knowing that the sole reason his car was in maintenance in the first place was Chanyeol himself. 

Loey wasn’t just Sehun’s rival. He was dangerous too. And his limits were unmeasurable. Loey was addicted to victory, being on top, being seen, to an extent that blinded him from common sense. 

“Thank you for your concern. I’ll be fine.” Sehun responded by keeping a lifted chin, never one to lower himself to Chanyeol’s pretentiousness. 

“We’ll see about that,” Chanyeol grumbled lowly before pushing past Sehun and wandering off towards the exit, dragging the man with him.

“Chanyeol.. who.. who is t-that?” 

Though the question came off in the smallest voice, it didn’t miss Sehun’s ears. Chanyeol’s answer remained unheard to his ears, out of reach. He didn’t mind though. He knew whatever Chanyeol had to say about him, would be lies, just like the ones he’d probably already uttered countless times before. Like the ones he’d been telling about pretty much everything else, like he tended to do, to keep beautiful, naive men in the palm of his hand, like the one he had now, showing him off as if he were one of his trophies.

He wondered how long the pretty boy would last under Loey’s manipulative dominance, until he got enough, stripped him out of his virtues, and moved to his next target. That was Chanyeol’s cycle, that was his thing, his hobby. 

Sehun had watched it happen too many times by now and he knew it wouldn’t be any different this time around, no matter how attractive and good-natured his new boy-toy was. It was quite upsetting for some reason, then, after a long suffering sigh, Sehun realized he didn’t really care. He had no reason to care.

Or at least that was what he told himself. 

  
  
  
  
🏁🏁🏁  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Sehun popped the hood of his Mclaren and pretended like he was checking his engine’s oil level even if Junmeyon had already done it yesterday and assured him everything was adequate for the race. The intriguing man was on the stands again, like he had been over the last week. 

It was a sunny day, suitable for a possible phenomenal race. The racetrack was scorching, ready for their tires to screech over. Sehun gripped the dipstick and fumbled with it as he watched the man chatting animatedly with the mechanics from the rival team. He wore an oversized striped red shirt - one that Sehun had unmistakably seen Chanyeol wear more than once - and skin-tight black jeans, ripped over the knees. He had a large sized cup in hand filled with brown liquid and cream, silky brown hair falling over his forehead. A lot less dolled up than the first time Sehun had seen him, but incredibly attractive even so. There was just something about him that kept drawing Sehun’s attention and trapping him in it - _in him_ \- and Sehun craved to drown himself in whatever spell he was sure the other had cast on him, no matter how hard he tried to act aloof whenever the other was around. 

“Who is he?” 

“Him? Kim Kai. He’s modelling for Ferrari. Apparently, he and Chanyeol are dating. You know, as long as Chanyeol can date someone.” Junmyeon said nonchalantly, sliding his earphone set around his neck. Something icy coursed through Sehun’s veins, but he shoved that odd feeling aside and continued to watch him. Kai. He looked even more radiant under the blazing sun. The top three buttons of the shirt were left unbuttoned, smooth and broad chest laying bare. Perhaps it was purposefully, Kai seemed to be aware just how attractive he was, despite his shyness. 

As though he was feeling Sehun’s gaze on him, Kai glanced over and their eyes met across the racetrack. Again, Sehun didn’t look away. Neither did Kai. Instead, he smiled. It was almost imperceptible, saved for the little dimpled that appeared on his cheek. Sehun tried to return the gesture, but his face remained unrelented for some reason.

So he approached Kai instead. He took bold steps across the pavement, and when Kai noticed him sauntering up to him, his smile widened, the dimples deepened. It was splendid.

“You’re watching the race today?” He started as if they were somewhat close already. It was one of Sehun’s charms. He knew he was an engaging man, and he put that to use more often than not. 

“Yeah. I’m excited,” Kai said timidly, licking his lips. It was rather distracting. His voice was sultry and kind. “For my boyfriend.” He added, shattering all of Sehun’s hopes. It felt like a punch at his throat. He didn’t let his smirk falter, though. Sehun never backed down in front of a pretty face. 

“I do hope you get second place. I’ve heard you’re one of the best.” Kai said as though to appease Sehun. That was so gentle of him. Sehun chuckled, running a hand through his long, black hair.

“I am the best. And I don’t settle for less than the first spot.”

Kai sucked in an audible breath and shot Sehun a stern look, too raw and too brazen at once to be discerned. He then bit his lip, slow and tentative, and Sehun was _this_ close ditch this entire race in order to take Kai to the backseat of his car and fuck him hard. 

“Jongin, come on,” Chanyeol’s voice surged. He was already clad in his overalls, helmet tucked in the crook of his arm, red hair vibrant under the sun. Kai - Jongin - levelled Sehun with an angered look before walking towards Chanyeol. He wrapped an arm around Chanyeol’s middle and pulled him away. Intrigued, Sehun watched them walking away, tangled in each other, it was almost believable, that they cared equally about each other. 

Jongin chanced a last look from behind Chanyeol’s shoulder, before they were completely gone from sight. Sehun shook his head, feeling sorry for the other. Chanyeol wasn’t good. Not as a racer, nor as a boyfriend. And Sehun could prove that. 

  
  
  
  
🏁🏁🏁  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Tensions were already running high when Sehun tugged on his helmet and settled behind the cockpit, buckling up securely. Sehun had previously guaranteed a nice starting point as second, while Chanyeol was down in sixth, not near each other on the grid. 

Up on the stands, the audience, mostly composed by affluent people, covered in millions worth outfits and accessories, were cheering and hollering, as dainty as they could. 

Sehun took a breath, enjoying the thrill of the ride that slowly rose in his nervous system, of dust rising in their wake, the smell of gasoline and burning rubber filling up his nostrils. 

Through the radio, Junmyeon sent him wishes for good luck, and no sooner than later, a horn blew and they were off in thunderous sounds.

Feeling the power of his car, Sehun pressed the accelerator until he couldn’t feel anything but the grip he had on the steering wheel, tires screeching on the track as the cars picked up speed and headed off towards the first corner. A small plume of smoke was visible in the air.

Halfway through the race, Sehun locked up around one of the turns, cutting up another driver, and almost caused a collision. He entered the corner at a speed much faster than would be advised.

The team radio gave no indication for a pit-stop though, so Sehun knew he had the upper hand. 

Ten was hot on Sehun’s heels on his blue Camaro, switching into the third, car slowing down until it picked up again. 

Sehun took advantage of that small slip, cut the corner, laughing when he heard a hearty “Fuck you!” from the rear, audible even with all the noise, and then there was gasoline filling his nostrils as he sped off, letting Ten eat his dust.

The racetrack sprawled ahead, almost a smooth sail as Sehun drove ahead, a smug grin crossing his lips. He was so going to nail this. 

But then, out of thin air, a flaming red Ferrari sailed down the track, a flicker of red in Sehun's side view mirror, like a spark, smoothly overtaking him and vanishing ahead.

Sehun growled, switching into the fourth gear, engine sputtering, and then he pressed the accelerator again, flooring iit until he could almost reach the Ferrari’s rear end. It was like the sizable flaming Phoenix printed on the trunk lid glared up at him mockingly.

A lock-up on the second to last lap had the crowd groaning in agony but Sehun knew he could do it, deftly manoeuvring up through the pack to come in second -- just enough points to win. However, the fact that it was Chanyeol who was ahead of him, nearly impossible to be beaten, had Sehun fuming and cursing as he hit the steering wheel.

The sheer audacity of the act set blood boiling in Sehun’s veins, his vision turning red like that fucking Ferrari that he was trying so strenuously to catch up to, but it was pretty much a lost battle. It was like Chanyeol's car had powers of its own. 

Junmeyon's voice cut through the radio line, but Sehun could barely register his stringent instructions. He caught himself thinking of Jongin, and how he had jinxed him to be a mere second. All for a boyfriend that didn't even love him, much less respect him. 

With tires squealing, Sehun groaned, revving the engine and roaring towards the finish line. He crossed the checkered flag, ending up right next to Chanyeol with a forceful turn, still unable to outrace the other. 

The massive crowd filling up in the stands built into the quarry howled in celebration, and Jongin was one of them, the loudest. He jumped over the barrier and ran towards Chanyeol, engulfing him in his arms, showering with kisses and praises, a bottle of champagne was popped off and poured all over them.

Sehun got off his car and stormed off towards the garage, tugging off his helmet and tossing it aside angrily. His team already knew to get off his back when his frustrations spiraled out of control. He could hear muffled noises of the crowd cheering, hear the pit crews pouring out of the pit boxes, but there was nothing for him. No one. 

He turned on his heels, only to come across the screens in the control box still rolling, all of them showing real time images of Chanyeol excitedly flaunting the two prizes in his hands. Jongin was one of them. 

Sehun's hands, on the other hand, were empty.


	2. Chapter 2

The alcohol burning down his throat wasn’t as bitter as Sehun’s mood. Whenever he closed his eyes shut he caught glimpses of that stupid phoenix lunging up at him, like it was haunting him. Hunched over the small table at the bar, he poured himself yet another glass of beer and downed in one go, groaning when he felt it torrenting his insides like acid.

“You should tone it down a bit, man.” Junmyeon warned him. Or scolded him. Sehun couldn't tell the difference. “We’ll have a rematch soon. You just gotta keep focused.”

Sehun sensed the underlying shade in that statement. “What does that mean?” He frowned at the other. Junmyeon ruffled a hand through his hair, like he tended to do when he was restless. He let the low music ripple between them, as if he was deciding how to handle the whole matter without putting any more salt to Sehun's raw wounds. 

“That you’ve been a bit… distracted. That’s all.” He shrugged, trying to come off nonchalant. Sehun groaned irritably.

“I’m not. I’m just stressed.”

“And why’s that?”

Words halted in Sehun's throat. He didn't have answers to provide. Not valid ones, for that matter. 

“I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact the opposite team keeps winning?” He said, because Junmyeon needed something, and that was as fast as he could give. 

“Chanyeol wins for a reason. He’s  _ good _ .”

“Thanks, you’re so helping.” Sehun deadpanned, chugging down another shot, eliciting a hiss from the depths of his throat. It wasn’t one of satisfaction. Junmyeon could only shake his head in disapproval. 

“But so are you. Knock if off, Sehun. You’re better than this.”

Sehun was ready to huff out a sassy retort when he spotted him across the bar, sitting by himself by the windows. 

“Is that--” He paused, blinked, swallowed. Jongin was looking out the window with a crease of worry deep in his brows. He gnawed at his bottom lip too, staring down at his phone exponentially. The side slit pants let his thighs naked to the eyes, smooth and clean shaved. He also wore high heeled boots to complete the look. He looked dashing. Without further ado, Sehun pushed himself to his feet, only to be stopped by Junmyeon's hand clasping his shoulder. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” There was a stern, deterrent look in his eyes. Sehun licked his lips, and took a second to rearrange his thoughts. 

“Relax. I’m just going to say hi.”

“Listen, I’m going to ask you something.” Junmyeon fixed him with a cautious gaze. “Are you doing this to spite Chanyeol?”

“Doing what?” He asked slyly. Junmyeon shook his head warily. 

“You were asking about him the other day. I saw you talking to him. Sehun, we don’t need you getting into trouble with Chanyeol. Not anymore.”

“I know what I’m doing.” He didn't sound convincing. Not even to himself. He wriggled himself free from Junmyeon's hold and adjusted his denim jacket, before ambling through the crowd of ecstatic people swimming in vivacious chattering. 

He stood by Jongin's table, stared him down wordlessly as Jongin noticed his presence, frowning up at him. Then he remembered he was supposed to speak. 

“Hey,” Was all he managed to say. His tongue suddenly swelling inside his mouth. Jongin's eyebrow shot up, amused. 

“Hi.”

“You’re alone,” Sehun remarked pointedly. A scowl took form on Jongin's face. He crossed his legs under the table and looked away grimly. 

“I'm waiting for Chanyeol.”

“Did he ditch you?” Sehun prodded, the answer already so clear. Jongin didn't falter, but the clench in his jaw didn't go unnoticed. 

“He’ll be here soon.”

Sehun scoffed. “Yeah, I bet.”

Junmyeon materialized by his side and cleared his throat loudly. 

“Anyway, Jongin-ssi. Do you mind if we have a seat?” He asked sympathetically, a warm smile on his lips and everything. Jongin's expression softened at that, and he mimicked Junmeyon's smile. 

“Sure,”

Sehun pulled a chair and flipped down on it, things wrapping around the stiles, arms resting over the top rail. He took in every detail of Jongin, as if he couldn't let one go missing from his eyes. He noticed the small, black purse sitting at the corner of the table, and a half empty large glass of… juice?

“What are you having?” He questioned pryly. 

“Lemonade,”

"Don't you think you need something heavier?"

Jongin finally glanced at his direction, his eyes were cold and electrifying. "What for?"

Sehun spluttered out a small chuckle, arms spreading vehemently. "Celebration. Your man won. Just like you wanted." He knew his tone was laced with poison, and he hoped Jongin got a taste of it. He saw Jongin rolling his eyes. 

"That was two weeks ago. We've celebrated enough, thank you." He brought the straw between his lips and sucked. Sehun got transfixed by the motion, and how glossy Jongin's lips looked, wondering in what ways they could be put to use for celebration purposes. 

By his side, Junmyeon looked uncomfortable and left out, scratching the back of his neck. 

"Congratulations, anyway." Sehun mumbled out, tapping his fingers on the table for lack of something useful to do with his hands. Jongin full-on glared at him now. 

"Are you drunk or just bitter?"

Sehun's eyebrow arched, and he titled his head teasingly. "None. What do you take me for?"

"A sore loser, maybe." 

Sehun's face fell drastically. He let his face stiffen, with a sinking feeling in his chest. Junmyeon chuckled nervously and intervened. 

"I think we need to get going." He reached for Sehun's arm, but quickly refrained from pulling him off his seat when Sehun glared at him mercilessly. 

"You can go hyung. I'll stay. I wouldn't want this lovely man here all by himself." He glanced at Jongin, mustering up a feigned mellow smile. 

"No need to worry about me. My boyfriend will be here soon."

Sehun laughed, deep and clear. "He's not coming. Come on." He honestly thought a guy like Jongin would last a little longer, but knowing Chanyeol, he was probably laying on someone else's bed as they spoke. Sehun thought it’d be better to spare the other from the pain of truth. 

"How can you be so sure about that?" Jongin asked, voice raising in slight annoyance. 

"Because I know him. Better than you."

Jongin’ s eyes narrowed at the implications of Sehun’s statement. He detected the exact moment Jongin’s curiosity rose, his mouth moved to speak, ask and pry. But in the end, he settled for resignation. 

"He's coming. You'll see. He's already on his way here."

"Anyway, guys. I'm out. Sehun, call me if you need anything. And don't drink too much. I need you in one piece for the Grand Prix" Junmyeon sprang up, shrugging on his jacket as he patted Sehun’s head. They watched Junmyeon walk away from the bustle and disappear into the parking lot. 

Then it was just the two of them and a glass of lemonade in between, and everything else around them became blurry. 

"Is he your boyfriend or something?" Jongin scorned. A chuckled slipped past Sehun’s lips as he leaned back lazily on his seat. 

"I think you should be worried about  _ your _ boyfriend." Who happened to be nowhere in sight, for that matter. He smirked, only to poke fun at Jongin’s apparent discomposure. 

"You're already doing that for the two of us." Surprisingly, it seemed like he had an equally arduous response always sitting on the tip of his tongue. Sehun admired that, honestly speaking. 

"He's leading you on. That's what he does." He caught himself saying, uncalled for words that no matter how hard he tried to suppress kept stumbling out of his mouth, as if he was supposed to care so much. It was none of his business if Chanyeol was a rascal, or who was a rascal to. Junmyeon’s words echoed in the back of his mind. ‘Just to spite Chanyeol’ and ‘We don’t need you getting into trouble.’ But it was as if Jongin was an inevitable trouble, and Sehun was already too deep into it. 

"And why do you care?" Jongin inquired, as if he somehow could read Sehun’s mind. It caught him off guard momentarily, and he faltered. He wished he knew why he cared. 

"You-- You need someone better." It came out as a whisper, his eyes unable to move away from Jongin’s. Trapped and endangered. 

"Who said that?" Jongin leaned in, elbows resting on the table. His eyes were challenging. Sehun quickly caught on to the game, leaning in as well, face to face with the other. 

"I'm telling you that."

The corner of Jongin’s lip tugged up in a smirk, dimple showing. "And who would be better for me? You?"

"Definitely not me." Sehun said truthfully. “I’m no good for anyone.”

The spell between them broke suddenly, its sharp edges still threatening to cut Sehun’s skin. Jongin leaned back and the emotions on his face melted away. There was only heartache left. 

"You don't know me, Sehun. I don't know you either. Stop pretending you care."

"I don't," Sehun murmured. "I'm just kindly letting you know. You'll get yourself hurt. Bad."

Jongin’s eyes dropped, his head hung low for a moment, as though hiding whenever he was feeling from Sehun, like he knew Sehun could see through his walls. "Is that what you want?" His voice was small, barely there. 

"Of course not. You're too pretty to be hurt." Sehun confessed, startling both Jongin and himself. Jongin stared at him astonished, straining to keep himself looking unimpressed.

"Am I really?" He scoffed, averting his gaze. "Or are you just trying to spite my boyfriend?"

The same words Junmyeon told him. It formed a pattern, and Sehun wondered if that meant anything at all, if his resentfulness measured up to their suspicions. Was it because of Chanyeol, or because of Jongin? In the end, it was all because of himself.

"Why would I? He's not even here." He shrugged, making a point. This time, Jongin didn’t have a retort. "How long have you been sitting there? Waiting? How much longer can you stay there before you start to crumble?"

"It's none of your business." Jongin hissed lowly. 

"I bet you want it to be."

"In your dreams."

They glared at each other for what seemed like too long, both refusing to break the icy connection between them. In a sense, Sehun didn’t want to.

"You know your worth, Jongin. You're expensive and unique. You know damn well you deserve better."

Jongin paused, blinked, swallowed. He reached for his bag and shouldered it before rising to his full, impressive height. With the addition of the heels, he seemed to tower over Sehun, his legs looking impossibly longer. 

"I know what I want." He said, sliding a few bills onto the table next to the neglected glass. "I'm going to go find my boyfriend." 

Sehun watched as he walked away, hells clicking against the marble floor, and Sehun’s fists clenched, as if to feel just how empty they still were, realizing that anger was over fast, but bitterness, it lasted. 

  
  
  
🏁🏁🏁🏁  
  
  
  
  
  


It was not long before the Ferrari was door to door with the McLaren, and the crowd erupted with gasps and shouts as they pounded their feet down the metal seating.

Sehun slid into a corner, quick, precise turns of the wheel to keep himself in balance. There was a flicker of red in the corner of his eye when Chanyeol overtook him, cruising easily. Sehun cussed as loud as the roar of his engine and gripped the clutch, shifting into the next gear. 

The crowd moved away to the edge of the stands to watch as both cars bolted across the lane, bumper to bumper. 

A pit-stop was demanded but Sehun sailed past the pit lane, his lead on second place stretching further and further. He maneuvered his car with all his mighty, seeing nothing but miles of asphalt in front of him, tunnel vision that caught only the red flash of the Ferrari zooming off from him. 

Chanyeol won again, with mere seconds in advance from Sehun. 

After crossing the checkered flag, Sehun was hitting the brakes so hard he swore he would wreck the car and himself, too. He snapped the seatbelt and sauntered out of the car, not bothering to turn the engine off. 

He felt Junmyeon following him, even though Sehun stomped into the pit garage with furious steps. Junmyeon always knew when to draw the line, and also when to step in. Right now, he was stepping in, knowing Sehun reached a breaking point. 

Adrenaline was still webbing across his body, the pulse having grown more rapid after the race. He turned sharply when Junmyeon tugged at his wrist, only to catch Chanyeol audaciously wandering into the garage, smirk directed at him. 

He had a lot of nerve. 

"How does that feel, champion?" He spat out, baring his teeth at Sehun. Soon, Jongin showed up, frantically clasping a hand on Chanyeol's shoulder, as if to contain him. He looked like a totally different person now. From head to toe he was covered in black, sweats and jacket, a cap hiding his eyes. He looked manly, and shockingly, that suited him too, like there was no bad side to his duality. 

Sehun quickly shook himself off, and glared at the man facing him squarely, Junmyeon's small frame the only thing in between them. 

"I asked you a question, moron!" Chanyeol pressed, and Sehun's blood boiled inside his veins. 

"It feels like nothing. I don't fucking care about you or anything concerning you." He snarled, torn between wanting to deck him and proving him wrong on their next race. The former looked easier and a lot more satisfying. 

"Are you sure about that? I've seen the way you look at my boyfriend." Chanyeol said, daring a step forward. He was big and scary, but Sehun knew how to be all of that too should he wanted. 

"Chanyeol, stop!" Jongin urged, pressing his palm against Chanyeol's chest. His eyes were pleading. There was a moment where everything stopped, and their heavy breathing was the only sound filling the garage. That, and the suffocating tension emitting from all of them. No one dared move. 

“I’m gonna warn you once. Stay away from him. He’s mine.” Chanyeol warned, a finger pointing at Sehun threateningly. 

"He's all yours. Like I said, I don't give a fuck." Sehun flailed his hands, and turned on his heels. Had this fight occurred before, Sehun would have winded him up until they were both left in shambles, with too many wounds to heal. Now, he no longer had the strength. He no longer cared. 

Junmyeon didn't follow him this time, but Chanyeol's last words did. And they stung.

"That will change soon, Sehun. When you finally admit to yourself that I'm better than you. And I have everything you want to have."


	3. Chapter 3

Sehun’s fist trembled when he pressed it against the metal door of his locker. He could feel the anger coursing through his veins, all the way to his fingertips, threatening to burst out. And it burned. Chanyeol’s spiteful words echoed steadily in his ears, and part of him couldn’t help but agree. He was a failure. He had nothing. All he had was rancor. So much it was asphyxiating him. 

He noticed movement approaching, hesitant footsteps nearing him from behind the stall, and he turned towards the entrance, an apology and an excuse already sitting on the tip of his tongue. Junmyeon would comprehend his outburst now, but Sehun knew he would have to sit through the man’s tongue-lash for lately he’d been nothing but imprudent. However, when his eyes met Jongin’s across the room, his mouth went dry and completely useless. He instantly scowled, in order to mask his awe.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin blurted before Sehun could even open his mouth to tell him off. “I’m so sorry.”

Sehun's defenses fell instantly. Jongin looked like guilt and misery themselves. His eyes were roaming around the room, unable to hold still on Sehun. Liable and brittle. It didn't quite suit his innate splendor. 

“Why are you sorry? You shouldn’t be the one apologizing.” 

Jongin nervously and absently punched his earlobe. His jacket was zipped up to his chin, the collars reaching up to his jaw. Sehun had never seen him so sheared. 

"I think you deserve an apology. Chanyeol won't give you one."

Sehun could only chortle. "It's not the same. I don't need your pity." He turned, hauling his locker open, hoping his cold-shoulder would turf Jongin out. He stayed put, willingly.

"I just… I hate this. All of this. I hate seeing you like this." He muttered to himself, but his unexpected concern ignited Sehun's interest. He sounded like he cared. Oddly, that stirred something inside Sehun. Vigorous and exhilarating.

"Why?"

Jongin seemed to battle against his thoughts for a moment. He sighed, rubbing a hand down his face in exasperation. 

"I feel like there's something I can't grasp here. I feel like there's much more that doesn't include me."

For a fraction of a second, Sehun contemplated him. Jongin was tangled in a much more complicated web of conflicts and misunderstandings than he thought. He wondered if he knew anything at all, if Chanyeol even bothered to keep him up-to-date. By the confused look in his eyes, Sehun knew he was lost in a maze of questions. 

"Have a seat then. I'll tell you." Sehun took a seat at the bench, inducing Jongin to follow him. He hesitated, staring down at Sehun with a glint of suspicion in his narrowed eyes. Sehun shrugged, as if to show him there wouldn't be a better, more trustworthy source of information than himself, the root of it all. 

He thought Jongin was already too deep in their mess for someone who he knew too little. And he was nothing but a fair guy. It was time to set the record straight.

"Really?"

"If you want," Sehun offered nonchalantly. Jongin caved then, flopping down next to Sehun. 

"I'm listening." He induced Sehun to start, occupying a wide length of the bench by spreading his legs in a virile way that had Sehun's sanity nearly hitting the roof. He exhaled sharply before he spoke.

"He used to be my best friend. Chanyeol. We grew up together. He was once the person I trusted the most." Uttering those words still felt like a sin. As if by acknowledging that made him still care. Which he didn't. He wanted to erase every single trace of memories that lingered in his mind of that past. Not when every single one of them had been ruined. 

Jongin didn't react for what seemed like an infinity. The silence turned Sehun's palms itchy as if he unconsciously feared Jongin's response. 

"I-- I didn't know about that." Jongin murmurs then. The itchiness didn't lift from Sehun's skin. 

"He never told you?"

"We don't really talk about these things." 

Sehun scoffed. Either Chanyeol didn't care about Sehun, which was expected, or he didn't care about Jongin. In other words, Chanyeol didn't care about anyone other than himself. 

"I'm not surprised. It's like I never existed in his life before. It's impressive how he does it."

"What happened?"

That was a question Sehun continuously asked himself. When did things start going downhill? What was the reason, if there was one to begin with?

"This. All of this." He concluded. "I brought him into this world. And I guess fame and money filled him up to his head."

"I'm sorry,"

"Will you stop saying sorry?" There was fondness drifting into Sehun's voice, and before he knew, it spread to his lips, stretching them into a smile. Jongin's kindness was radiant, and that too, suited him. 

"I'm so--" Jongin slipped again, clasping a hand over his mouth, blocking the apology. "He never came, you know? That night. I couldn't find him." He revealed suddenly, eyes growing sad and distant. 

"I hate to say this but I told you so." Sehun said. He didn't feel any triumphant for that. "Where was he?"

"I don't know. He didn't tell me. I stopped asking. It wasn't the first time either." Jongin's shoulder slumped, and he lowered his eyes to his feet. Although Sehun didn't know why, of all people, Jongin was confiding in him, he also just decided to welcome the other's trust. It was _something_ between them. Unlabeled but consistent. 

"Why haven't you kicked his ass?" Sehun bumped his shoulder against Jongin's, like friends tended to do. He thought that could apply. 

"I trust him. I want to trust him." Besides the kindness, Jongin was stubborn too, persisting on fixing up what was beyond ruptured, until he damaged himself in the process. 

"I think you're smarter than this."

Albeit the reluctance, Jongin glanced up at him, and their eyes held in an intense stare for seconds that lasted too long. Jongin's eyes were the brightest in the center of Sehun's darkness. Its lights were spreading wider to every corner, expunging the shadows. 

"I have to go. He's waiting for me." He blurted out, breaking their haze. Sehun remembered to breathe, only to feel his heart shattering to tiny little pieces of utter devastation.

When Jongin walked away, rather hectic, he left Sehun with a smile, implying that something had bloomed between them, and Sehun swore to cherish it.

  
  
  
  
  


🏁🏁🏁🏁

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There was an uncommon commotion at the garage when Sehun arrived, though the next race wasn't scheduled for the next couple of months. The arena almost felt like a second home to Sehun, and he was used to the dull silence of the place when there were no engine roaring or tires screeching sharply, or quarreling aggressively exchanged whatsoever. It was in the garage where people were gathered, forming a barricade at the entrance. Sehun caught glimpses of flashes and movements, so he made a beeline towards the gates, when he felt a tight grip around his arm.

"You're not allowed on set, sir." A short guy told him. He had a camera strap settled around his neck. Sehun pointedly stared down at him, precisely, where the man's hand touched him, nonconsensual. The man quickly tore his hand off once Sehun's identity dawned on him.

"O-Oh Sehun. Is there anything we can do for you?" He stuttered, straining a smile at the racer.

"Why am I not permitted in my garage?"

"We're having a photoshoot with Kai-ssi." The man explained timorously. Forthwith, Sehun was stepping through the barrier of people towards the set.

A long, flowery dress wrapped Jongin's lean frame. He had lipstick smudged on his fine lips and his nails were sparkly polished. He looked out of this fucking world. When he spotted Sehun among flashing lights, he broke out of his provocative character and a full-blown smile graced his features. Sehun felt a little woozy in the head. 

"Can we take five?" Jongin asked the photographer, though he didn't really need permission. He was already easing his posture and grabbing a jacket. The whole crew slowly scurried around. "Actually, make it thirty." Jongin added before tugging Sehun out the garage. 

"Hi?" Sehun said, confused as he haphazardly followed Jongin until they were standing outside. The sky had the colors of autumn, fading but still profound, just like Jongin in his life. 

"Do you wanna go grab a drink with me? I seriously need a break, but I don't know anyone there." He said as he shrugged on the jacket and pushed his hair back with a swipe of his hand.

"Yeah, sure." He caught himself saying without hesitation, perhaps a little too overenthusiastic. 

"Great. My back hurts." Jongin complained, rubbing a hand down the bottom of his back while Sehun suspiciously scanned around, as if he was up to no good and about to be caught. He still followed Jongin to the cafe down the corner. They sank down idly on the outside vintage table, with the racetrack stretching just beside them, and a graceful, wide umbrella shielding them from the opaque sky hovering over them. Sehun was wondering internally how they had become friendly so fast and naturally, but he realized he had no condemnation for that. 

Jongin was easygoing and engaging once he warmed up to others, quite the opposite of what Sehun initially had perceived of him.

"Relax, Chanyeol is not here," 

Sehun stilled, brow creasing at Jongin's sudden remark. It made him look like he was scared, which he absolutely wasn't. If anything, this was treacherously fun.

"That's so shocking." He spat sarcastically, mustering up a smirk. The barista drew near them, smiling mannerly with an orderpad in hand, ready to take their orders. Sehun chimed in first. 

"He'll have a latte. Black coffee for me." 

The girl bowed and swiftly transcribed their order before wandering off. Sehun found Jongin staring at him with a dumbstruck look in his eyes. 

"What?"

"You know the drink I like," Jongin muttered timidly, scratching behind his ear. Sehun grinned smugly. 

"I'm an observer."

"What else have you observed?" Jongin blinked at him from under delineated lashes. Sehun took that as a challenge, one that was too risky to accept. He'd observed many things about Jongin, many of them would be better off unspoken. 

"You like pretty things. Like that dress." He motioned at Jongin's dress, buttons as useless as usual, accentuating his sharp collarbones. Jongin stared down at his chest, fumbled with the collars of the dress mindlessly. 

"Pretty only suits pretty." He said with a lopsided grin. Sehun couldn't agree more. 

"You should take off those pants. Show off those legs."

Jongin's eyebrows arched. "Do you like my legs?"

Sehun let out a low, small laugh. He'd seen Jongin's legs before, when he spotted a pair of sports shorts at one of their Grand Prix. His thighs were tanned, sturdy and smooth. But Sehun remembered them straddling Chanyeol's lap too, when he caught them making out in the locker room. Sehun didn't stay to watch the whole thing, but the sadistic part of him had wanted to, as if deliberately choosing to taste poison.

"I'd better not answer that."

He could see Jongin's cheeks pinking slightly, shade a little darker than the powder smeared on them. Jongin swallowed, and opted for changing topics easily. 

"Guess my favorite movie, then." He sounded amused, like he genuinely enjoyed chitchatting with Sehun. So he indulged him. 

"Hmmm… Twilight."

Jongin let out a deep cackle. "What? That movie is such a joke."

"It's not. Watch your mouth. It's a lovely movie." Sehun defended, there was a fond smile on his lips that he couldn't contain.

"If you say so," Jongin shrugged. "I'm giving you another shot."

Sehun pretended to ponder over it, humming thoughtfully. Jongin was giddy in his seat.

"Titanic."

"Ew, no. The exorcist." He revealed it much to Sehun's bewilderment. His jaw fell instantly, and he waited until the part where Jongin told him he was kidding. He didn't.

"That's your favorite movie? What are you? The devil himself?"

"Maybe I am." Jongin winked teasingly. He was slowly stepping over a dangerous line.

"That would explain why you like Chanyeol."

"Chanyeol is likeable. He's charming, smart, funny."

"Does he fuck you good?"

Jongin froze. Sehun's face remained as blank as ever. 

"Wh--what?"

"Does he?" He repeated, tilting his head. "Does he make you feel pretty? Or do you wear these dresses to remind yourself that you still are?"

For a stretch of a moment, Jongin didn't speak. He took a breath and closed his eyes as if grounding himself. When his eyes slipped open again, they were dark.

"I don't," He huffed. "I know that I am. My boyfriend just reinforces that."

_My boyfriend._

Every time Sehun hears those words coming out of Jongin's mouth, his blood boils. They just sounded wrong in his ears, like Jongin needed to keep reminding him of that out of spite. 

"Right," He chuckled bitterly. Yet again, he ruined what could have been a pleasant moment between them, all because he was unable to control his sharp tongue. He suddenly wanted to take off and never face Jongin again, even if that ached deep within.

But then Jongin was smiling again, and Sehun fell into his trance just as fast as the beating of his heart. 

"I think I'm going to take my pants off." He said offhandedly, and that felt like a second chance. Resolutely, Sehun took it.

30 minutes ended up being 2 and a half hours of laughter, sweet drinks and meaningful conversation, until Jongin had to be dragged back to work, literally, and Sehun lingered around uninvitingly to watch as Jongin posed for the cameras and leaned sensually over expensive cars. After every shuttle from the camera, he glanced over at Sehun briefly, his shyness nowhere to be found as he channeled Kai. 

He exceeded the limits of enthralling.

In between shots 10 and 15, as his eyes couldn't leave Jongin, Sehun realized he was in deep trouble. Way deeper than he thought.

He drove Jongin home that night, knowing that when he stepped out of his car, he’d be falling into someone else’s arms. And again, he felt like he was drowning, even though he wasn’t underwater. It was a feeling he would never get used to. Sehun remained motionless behind the steering wheel, stuck in a static nervous-breakdown. At last, he fished out his phone and dialed the number, pressing it against his ear as he waited until the line was picked up to let out a sigh of relief. There wasn't a greeting on the other side, but he knew it was him, the one he needed the most.

"Hey, Baekhyun hyung. Do you have some time to talk?"


	4. Chapter 4

Baekhyun was resplendent with light, just as vibrant as Sehun called to mind. 

There was a blithe glim in his eyes when he welcomed Sehun at the entrance hall of the palatial fortress he had for a home.

"Look who's crawled out of their grave!" He exclaimed as he buried his small, yet broad frame snuggly against Sehun's chest. He'd always been a little too spontaneously affectionate towards Sehun, which was, as a matter of fact, quite invigorating.

"I missed you too, hyung." Sehun let his arms circle the other and held tight around him, just as fondly. Baekhyun was the vital dose for Sehun's much needed serotonin boost. Or so had he stated more than a few times.

"I'm glad you finally made some time for me." Baekhyun giggled into his shoulder, pinching eagerly at one of Sehun's cheeks."Is it just me or have you gotten even prettier?"

Sehun cast his eyes down a little abashed, but he didnt mismatch Baekhyun's whimsy.

"Please, I wake up prettier every day."

Amused, Baekhyun guided him inside, palm wrapped tenderly around Sehun's wrist as he gave him room to toe off his shoes. He watched him, careful and attentive. Sehun sensed it in the vigorous weight of his gaze, searching for any lapse in Sehun's demeanor. Sehun hoped he wouldn't notice any, because there shouldn't be one, in the first place. 

"Well, I'm glad  _ that _ hasn't changed about you." Baekhyun blurted, too soon, too acute.

"What do you mean?"

"You're… different. I can't explain it. I just feel it." Baekhyun's brow ceased in his scrutiny. 

"I can smell it."

So much for putting up a front. He'd been doing it for too long now, perhaps he was starting to lose the hang of it. However, he was nothing but stubborn, so he kept his chin held high.

"You're most certainly mistaken."

"Am I?" Baekhyun scoffed. "You sounded quite disturbed on the phone."

"I'm fine now, seriously." Sehun said dismissively, unwilling to give in just yet, then attempted switching subjects for a change. "Where's Taeyong?"

The vivacity in Baekhyun’s features glitched slightly. "We broke up," He revealed with a meager smile. Sehun’s impetuosity had him wincing in response.

"Shit, my bad. You two were living together… What happened?"

"It just didn't work. Sadly." Baekhyun shrugged feigning aloofness, but Sehun could only imagine how badly the break-up must have stricken him. Taeyong and Baekhyun had that kind of romance you often saw in movies, beautiful, strong and forbidden. Both were committed to other people at the time, both relationships equally turbulent. In each other they’d found escape and comfort.

But apparently, some things were just not meant to be. Sehun found himself dreading that thought.

"Are you okay though?"

"I'm fine. It was for the best." Baekhyun assured him as he drew him further inside the house. "I guess I couldn't take care of him the way he wanted me to." His gaze became distant, a little dull, unmatching the youthful of his face. But he soon recomposed himself, squared his shoulder and graced a smile at Sehun. "But! We're not supposed to be talking about me here. We're here to talk about you and that beautiful heart of yours, aren't we?" He cheekily groped at Sehun’s chest, and although Sehun giggled and waved his hand away playfully, he was far from feeling any kind of joy. 

Unlike Baekhyun believed, his heart was anything but beautiful. It was just… drenched in sins. Black and rotten.

"Can we have a drink first?"

"As you wish, your majesty."

The bittersweet taste of the aromatic tonic gin helped relieve the tension melt from his body. Though Sehun suspected that had more to do with Baekhyun's presence itself, other than just the hindrances in the burning of the alcohol flooding down his throat.

"So… what's his name?" Baekhyun asked promptly, lips gently touching the rim of the crystal glass. Sehun's eyes flickered to Baekhyun as if he'd been caught in the act of a crime.

"What?"

"Don't tell it's a she. I won't buy that." Baekhyun chuckled, finding amusement in the way Sehun looked utterly put-out. 

"Jongin. His name's Kim Jongin." He said briskly. Baekhyun arched a brow inquisitively, head tilting. 

"The name does ring a bell,"

"He's Kim Kai."

Immediately, Baekhyun's jaw fell, a gasp ripped from the back of his throat.

"Holy shit. The supermodel? I've been trying to book him for my clothing line for months. He's tremendously gorgeous."

"He's also dating Chanyeol." Murmured Sehun in an unenthusiastic tone. 

"Oh…" Was all Baekhyun managed, starstruck. Then he repeated "Oh," unable to utter anything more coherent than that. It took a moment for him to stabilize his distress. He shifted on the stool, a little graceless for his habitual well-off demeanor. Sehun's eyes widened nervously, so he cleared his throat in what he hoped could sound apologetic.

"I thought you knew. They're an all-up-in your-face kind of couple. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, I just… I don't-- I keep myself away from anything related to him. That's why I'm not up-to-date with the races." And that sounded apologetic too for his side. Sehun shrugged it off, aware of Baekhyun's reasons. 

Before Taeyong, there was Chanyeol. Which clarifies where all the turbulence mostly came from. It wasn't easy to watch, but when Baekhyun made his choice and walked away with someone who knew how to cherish him, Sehun was relieved. Now, he can't say that anymore, not when Baekhyun looked  _ this _ wretched in front of him. 

"Do you still like him? Even after Taeyong?"

Baekhyun exhaled somberly. "I don't want to be.” He set the glass down, stared down at it, finally allowing his shoulder to slump. Sehun realized things were a lot worse than he expected, and for many reasons he couldn't even count anymore, it infuriated him.

“Chanyeol is toxic."

"Chanyeol's sick." Baekhyun corrected, glancing up at Sehun. He saw nothing but honesty in Baekhyun, that and a lot of hurt too. Transparent and just raw. 

"What do you mean?" Skeptically, Sehun frowned. 

"He's sick. It's an illness. I mean it. He refuses to admit it."

Sehun's lips moved, but his words got stuck in his throat. The certainty in Baekhyun's eyes didn't leave room for any questioning. Sehun had never considered another alternative for Chanyeol’s sudden altered behavior. He’d become aggressive, reckless and impulsive. Hence, that drifted Chanyeol apart from everyone around him. Sehun thought a person couldn’t be capable of just changing so drastically without a reason, so he’d just assumed he never really knew Chanyeol’s true character, of the one he once called his best friend. It was all a mask that kept slipping off his face, baring the darkness beneath his ...

It hurt at that time, but it hurts even worse now knowing he interpreted it all wrong and ruled out the real problem when he could have done better for his friend, read between the lines of his explosive attitudes.

Chanyeol needed help.

"I-- I didn't know. What is it that he-- What is it?"

"IED. Diagnosed by his psychiatrist a few years back. That's also the reason why he dumped me, as far as I can see."

Suddenly, each one of Chanyeol’s outbursts sufficed to Sehun’s mind. They were unreasonable and disproportionate. The twitching of his hands and eyelids, the swearing and the tightness in his chest. It was there all along, begging to be seen. But Sehun never did. He was swimming in guilt now.

"You've never told me?"

"I felt bad for a lot of things. For leaving him when he obviously needed me, even though he couldn't see it. For not telling anyone. I just wanted to… escape. Things got too messy, too ugly. It was starting to really mess me up too. I saw a way out with Taeyong and I took it. I needed it. At least at that time." Baekhyun drawled, brow knitted tightly, perhaps struck in the same sense of guilt Sehun was. His knuckles trembled around the glass. "I'm sorry," He added in a whisper.

Sehun slumped back against the counter, rubbing a hand down his jaw disturbed. He wasn’t angry, just steadily taken aback. This was all too fucked up and so much more complicated than it seemed to be.

"Fuck… Is he okay? Do you think he's okay?" He asked in genuine concern regarding Chanyeol’s line of work. It just didn’t look like a good combination.

"I doubt. Racing is too risky for him now, but I don't think he'd give that up in order to get the treatment he needs. You know how stiff-necked he is."

The absurdity of it all brings an unnerving thought that crosses Sehun’s mind, and he bolts upright on his seat, in sudden fright. "Is Jongin okay? Is he--" He trails off, unable to voice his own fears. He can’t bear the thought of Jongin being in constant, abstract danger.

"I can only hope he is. I wasn't. But he'll always have the same option I did. Leaving."

Sehun sighed, not at all relieved. Jongin leaving Chanyeol seemed like a distant dream at that point, but one Sehun couldn’t stop desiring with all his inner strength, as cruel as that sounded. 

"I don't think he will. Not for now, at least. They've been together for over six months. Honestly, by now Chanyeol should have dumped him already, ages ago." The passive-aggressive drift to his voice was thick and deep. "I feel bad, you know. Because I keep waiting, even though I know it'll break Jongin's heart." He chugs down another gulp of the beverage, wincing at the acid-feeling tickling his throat. "I wonder if deep down Chanyeol likes him a little. It would be impossible not to."

"Is that so?" Baekhyun questioned with a suggestive lift of his eyebrow. 

"Jongin's… he's just  _ good _ . In and out.." He made a vague gesture in the air with his hand, took another sip to wet his tongue that felt strangely dry now."His only flaw is expecting people to be like him."

"You really like him, don't you?" Baekhyun was looking at him with fondness in his eyes. 

"I… I shouldn't. But I do." Sehun said, for stating otherwise would just make him look even more like a fool. "Ever since the first time I saw him. I thought I was just trying to get at Chanyeol at first, until I realized it was more than that. Way more than that. I'm screwed." He huffed, fists stiffened against the counter. 

He was so royally screwed he felt like crying.

"Look at you. Are you gonna cry?" Baekhyun joked, his chuckle was low and soft, but it withered away immediately when he saw Sehun’s eyes watering, blinking to stop the tears from escaping. Sehun hated crying in front of other people, but he supposed Baekhyun had the privilege of seeing just how inconsolable he was, so allowed the tears to break out, albeit his composure. 

"Wait, are you actually crying?" Baekhyun gawked, before he held his arms out to Sehun, offering a hug of consolation. 

"Shut up," Sehun swatted at his hands. "I'm so fucking tired. I'm exhausted. I just want this to stop. I didn't sign up for this." He groaned, letting his head down to his folded arms. 

"We never sign up for it, man. We don't choose who we love." Baekhyun clasped a hand on his shoulder, squeezed it a little. "Please, don't force me into giving you inspirational advice, I suck at this. Do you want some ice cream so you can eat your sadness away?"

Sehun didn’t even stir, he didn’t want to. All he wanted was to rot away on that very spot until his brain became incapable of forming thoughts and his heart from compelling feelings. He refused to move even when he checked the new text message alerted on his phone resting on his thigh. 

It was him, of course. It was Jongin, as if he knew Sehun was thinking about him. But then again when wasn’t he? Dumbfounded, Sehun stared at the selfie sent to him, and he wondered if his whole existence was a joke. Jongin was sending a kiss, and as if that wasn’t enough of a tease, he added a wink as well. His lips looked… succulent and flat-out obscene. 

"Are you even listening to me?" Baekhyun prodded. Sehun remained rooted in place. There was no way Jongin didn’t know the power he had over Sehun. And if he did, Sehun would gladly accept this kind of torture if it meant he got to see him like this, so stunning and intimate. 

"Is that him? Is that why you have that ugly stupid smile all over your face?" Baekhyun pulled at the collar of Sehun's jacket, brusquely, and no longer having the spirit to fight, Sehun let himself be yanked backwards easily, baring the picture to Baekhyun's view. 

"Holy-- Is this a thing between you two?" He squeaked, flabbergasted. "What does he want?"

"Nothing. He's inviting me to a party."

"At Chanyeol's place?" Baekhyun guessed. Chanyeol's legendary parties were widely famed. They happened at random, but never lacked potential. One would find the names of the richest people of Seoul in its guesting list, and the competition to be one of them was nothing but disputed. It was nothing that Sehun appreciated, however. 

"It's not the first invitation. I always decline."

"How about not declining this time?" Baekhyun suggested, and that only meant he was up to no good. 

"Why would I do that?"

"You know why. Come on. I'll come along." He sprang out of his stool, cheeky grin splitting his face. Sehun did not like the sight of that grin. It always meant bad news. 

"Chanyeol's gonna be there, you know that."

"I do. I'm taking that risk." He said, wrapping a hand around Sehun's wrist, invitingly. "I think you should too."

  
  


🏁🏁🏁🏁

  
  
  
  
  


There were arrays of cars parked in front of the house. Each one more expensive than the other. People swam in and out of the front doors, the lawn already sprinkled with couples making out and dancing drunkenly to the loud music pouring out of the walls. It was a mess. Sehun wanted to retreat.

"Are we seriously doing it? Are you?" He double checks with Baekhyun for the umpteenth time. Baekhyun only seemed to grow more determined than the last time Sehun asked. He was a tough one to overthrow, and against his better judgment, Sehun found himself stepping inside the house with Baekhyun, despite his resistance.

"I'm just gonna check on him. Chill out. I got worried since you told me about him. Part of me was hoping he was taking care of himself, but obviously he hasn't." Baekhyun explained over the loud pumping of the music, leaning towards Sehun's space. "I'm also here for business."

"What--" Sehun wheezed. He should have suspected from the start Baekhyun was plotting. It was his pastime. 

"Oh, there they are." Baekhyun noted, and amidst the crowd of joyous dancers, Sehun spotted Jongin.

He had his arms around Chanyeol's neck, while Chanyeol wantonly kept both palms firm against his ass. They were swaying gingerly to the rhythm of the high pitched song that only sounded like trash to Sehun's ears. 

He could see Jongin was smiling, genuinely, happily. Maybe Chanyeol was too, but his face was tucked into the crook of Jongin's neck, his spine bent awkwardly so he could fit against Jongin's frame. 

They were on cloud nine, while Sehun felt like hell itself had bloomed inside him. Cold and hot at the same time, ugly and cruel. And it stung too, just like it did every single time. The pain never subsided. It only got stronger, all the way more unbearable.

"Looks like they’re getting handsy." Baekhyun remarked, not too content with the scene in front of him either. 

"Tell me about it." Sehun grunted, looking away. Maybe he needed to party in the end. Maybe he could find a nice, pretty boy around, get laid and get his mind off - Jongin - things, for a little while. Just so his heart could mend a little. It would break again eventually, Sehun knew. 

"Oh, he's coming over," Baekhyun nudged him frantically. Jongin was pushing through the crowd, waving at them with one of his ethereal smiles. "Please, don't embarrass me."

"Funny. I should be telling you that." Sehun returned irritably, before mustering up a smile to greet Jongin. That night, he wore a simple fit. A plain white shirt, blue jeans. His face was glowing under the flashy lights discoing through the room. Yet, Sehun's heart was already leaping excitedly.

"I just can't believe my eyes. You finally made it." Jongin pulled him into a brief, brotherly hug, barely just a touch of shoulders, tapping his back a couple of times. "I'm so glad you came."

It was too friendly, but Sehun should resign to that, at least. Either way, he felt his heart shattering a little, yearning for the touch of Jongin's skin once more, just a little longer, just so he could fool himself further. 

"You brought a friend?" Jongin asked, surveying Baekhyun curiously.

"Byun Baekhyun, creator of Prive Alliance. It's a pleasure to meet you." Baekhyun did the honors to introduce himself, all business-like smiles and straightened back as he stretched out a hand. Impressed, Jongin's smile widened. 

"Likewise," He took Baekhyun's outstretched hand firmly but amicably. 

"Would you like to model for my collection?"

Caught off guard, Jongin let out a surprised, nervous laugh. "Sure?" He glanced over at Sehun in disbelief. Amused, Sehun just shrugged. Baekhyun was straightforward and upfront. That was how he built his empire, after all.

"Great. Have your agent contact me. I'll pay you generously."

"Thank you?" Jongin chuckled astonished. His hand was still connected with Baekhyun's, and they shook it lightly one more time, as if to seal the contract. "Shall we celebrate? Come on, I'll get you some drinks."

Jongin turned on his heels cheerfully, escorting them through the crowd. Chanyeol was nowhere to be seen, much to Sehun's contentment. He wasn't ready to face him just yet. He felt embarrassed, even though he had no reason to. Maybe he had too many reasons, they were just mingled in a jumble in his mind.

"Dude, he's so hot. I can't even feel bad he's dating my ex." Baekhyun hissed at him in the grand, spotless and thankfully empty kitchen as Jongin absently prepared them oddly sparkly drinks.

"Shut!" Sehun gritted just in time for Jongin to turn around and eagerly pass around their filled to the brim cups. 

"Cheers." He beamed, raising his own glass for the toast. Sehun joined, despite his unenthusiasm. 

"To our bank accounts. I'm looking forward to making business with you." Baekhyun chimed, bumping his glass against Jongin's in celebration. They all gulped down the liquid, and Sehun might as well be tipsy already, because it barely burnt, it's sweet and quite tasty even. 

"Is that Lee Taemin?" Baekhyun blurted, peering over Jongin's shoulder, standing on his tiptoes. There was a thin, elegant man by the corner, chatting with a group of other men and two girls, one at each side of him. He seemed just as wealthy and lawless as every guest in that party. Sehun caught silver hair, a choker and chains hanging from his trousers and pants, glimmering erratically.

"The one and only. Do you know him?" Jongin told him, leaning against the sink idly.

"Like the palm of my hand. If you excuse me." Baekhyun withdrew from them without much explanation, and honestly, Sehun knew they were better off not knowing. 

Baekhyun was a man of business and secrets alike. 

"That's new. I like him." Jongin said, probably just to make conversation. Sehun wasn't in the mood. He still mostly wanted to go home. He also wanted to keep looking at Jongin more. Just look, admire, daydream, worship. He was a sight to behold, just standing there, breathing, smiling, speaking. A masterpiece carved by God Himself. 

"Me too. He can be a handful sometimes, though." Sehun managed, warming up to Jongin's attempts. Rihanna's you da one started playing, the whole house boomed, Jongin perked up as well, shifting closer to Sehun with a slight sway of his hips.

"I love this song. You wanna dance?" He brought a hand to Sehun's arms, very innocent but dangerous. Sehun yelped.

"Uh, I-- I don't know. I'm not--" He stammered nervously, Jongin was still standing too close, staring at him confused, worried.

"Are you okay?"

Sehun was sweating. The room started to shift a little around him. "Not really. It's a little stuffy here. Maybe I should just go ho--"

"Let's go upstairs. It's quieter there." Jongin cut him off hastily, taking him by the hand. They meandered through the mass of people once again, only this time Sehun could barely register his surroundings. The buzz of the music was distant but still pounding in his ears, he felt trapped, like there wasn't enough to move or breathe. He either had too much to drink for the night or the whole Chanyeol-Jongin drama had finally taken a toll on him. 

  
  


He scanned around the living room cautiously as they went up the stairs. It reminded Sehun of the many times he let a pretty man guide him upstairs in the countless parties he once attended. It led to extensive rounds of casual sex, fun but trifling. Sehun went home uncared for a name or a phone number, ready to move to the next target. Now, with Jongin holding his hand and pushing him inside a bedroom, for the first time Sehun felt scared. He didn't want it to start, fearing it would end too soon and insignificantly. 

Jongin clicked the door shut softly, and the thick, sound proof walls of the room blocked the thunderous sound of the music outside. 

"Much better, isn't it?" Jongin let go of his hand, and Sehun found it hard to agree with him when he longed for another touch.

"Yeah," He agreed anyway. 

The room was spacious, as large as a whole house, and perhaps a little too over the top. Too much furniture and eccentric decorations. Jongin stood in front of the mirror, fixing up his hair and smacking his lips. Sehun could now notice the lipstick smudged prettily on his lips. Red, but faintly so. Sehun sucked on a breath, his knees turned wobbly.

Jongin was too enchanting, irresistible. Sehun did not know how much longer he could endure this. This  _ want _ . Especially when it was just the two of them locked in a bedroom, away from prying eyes, where anything could be possible, where anything could become a secret only they would know.

"I'll open the window too." Jongin spoke, approaching the windows. "How does that feel?" He asked once the wind swept through the room from the chilly evening outside. 

"Fresher," Sehun said truthfully. "But I'm still tired." Another truth. He was tired, not physically, just emotionally. Not even the longest hours of slumber could heal it. 

"Come here." 

Jongin inched closer, and Sehun didn't have the guts to stop him, not even when Jongin laced an arm around his neck, gently bringing him close against him. Their bodies met, molded against each other, easily and compatible. Sehun was stiff, holding himself still, but unable to move away. He craved this. And maybe he was touch deprived, or just Jongin deprived. He was going to take this. Whatever this was. He needed it. 

"I think you had too much to drink." Jongin whispered, his sultry deep voice assaulting Sehun's senses. He looped his other arm around Sehun's shoulder, tightening their embrace. He smelled like honey and strawberries and sin. Sehun was high on it.

"What are you doing?"

He asked quietly, his voice coming out husky and weak. He was so weak and he didn't even mind it. He gave in finally, wrapping his arms around Jongin's waist. They were chest to chest, and Jongin purred when Sehun gathered him in his arms. This wasn't just a hug, it was intimacy in the most innocent form.

"I don't know. I just wanted to do this."

Jongin's hand slid up the back of Sehun's neck, tickling and leaving goosebumps on its trail. His finger carded through Sehun's hair, caressing his scalp, nails scratching tenderly. In a spellbind, Sehun rested his head on his shoulder, very much like Chanyeol did, and he realized that was just the effect Jongin had on people. He made them fall on their knees, swear devotion to him. Sehun was no different. 

"You looked like you needed it." Jongin's lips were pressing against Sehun's ear, and he shivered violently. 

"What if I need more than this?"

The tight hold on Sehun’s strands became possessive, and he moaned in Jongin’s ear, eliciting an involuntary groan from Jongin, pressing his body even further against Sehun's frame. He could feel every muscle of Jongin's body, the rigidity of them, smooth skin under his fingertips. The soft curve of his waist down to his hips, until he reached his ass, where he gropped and gave a roll of his hips, making their crotches rub under rough layers of clothes. The swell of Jongin's cock twitched against Sehun's own. 

This was his own cloud nine. With Jongin. And he never wanted to move from there.

"This has to be enough." Jongin whispered, and the crack in his voice yanked Sehun out of his reverie. It was a reminder, a disruption. 

The profound daze soon faded, replaced by striking ache, ripping through every part of Sehun's body. It took him the very last bit of willpower in his core to tear Jongin away from him, suddenly short of oxygen without feeling Jongin in his arms. Jongin stared at him with equal pain, but also confusion and denial. 

"No. It's not enough." Sehun muttered, eyes slipping closed as his forehead came to rest against Jongin's. "It's not enough." He repeated, anguish sweeping through his voice. 

It was not enough. It would never be. And upon that, Sehun stormed off, every step cutting deeper. It hurt, but he didn't look back. To all intents and purposes, leaving would always be easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intermittent explosive disorder - (IED) We haven't seen any real episodes of Chanyeol's explosive behavior yet, but we'll get to know more about it soon!


	5. Chapter 5

Chanyeol was on fire. 

His large, calloused palm tightened around Jongin's neck as he fucked him mercilessly against the couch. Jongin could barely breathe properly, much less enjoy it. Their skin clapped loudly against each other's, coupled with the sound of Jongin's strangled, uncomfortable sounds.

Until he gave up entirely on keeping up and just took it, raw and brutal. Jongin peered at the hickey spots, still looking fresh, littering Chanyeol's neck, obviously not from him. The lipstick stains on the lapels of his shirt, also not from him. Upon a moment of utter devastation, Jongin decided it would be best to just close his eyes.

He saw it. He always saw them. The constant signs of Chanyeol's unloyalty. They weren't very hard to notice, either way. But if Jongin pretended they weren't there, it would hurt less. And if maybe he made Chanyeol feel good, gave him mind blowing pleasure, maybe he could become worthy of the other's loyalty. After all, Jongin just didn't think he was enough. 

What mattered most, in the end, was that Chanyeol chose him, to lie in his bed, to hold tight at night. Jongin contented himself with that fact alone, because he loved Chanyeol. 

He loved Chanyeol. He repeated over and over to himself. Even if it became more and more like a distant notion every time.

"Gonna come," Chanyeol grunted a warning, prompting Jongin's eyes to snap open. He gasped, surprised by the brief sight of Sehun on top of him, majestic and stunning, until a particular hard thrust brought Jongin's senses in alert and the figure above him took its real form. It was still Chanyeol, feral eyes staring down at him, expression contorting as he climaxed and filled Jongin with cum. His sweat body slumped against Jongin, knocking the air out of his lungs and halting completely.

Jongin hadn't even come. Not in a long time. Chanyeol always finished first, and rarely bothered to satisfy Jongin equally. Not unless Jongin really deserved it. He had to earn it. Most times, Jongin felt guilty, like everything he did was not good enough, like everything he did was just wrong. Like he deserved to be punished. 

At first it was fun, daring, exciting. Now, it was just… too cruel. It was scary. He didn't quite know when it all started to feel this askew. He just knew he needed to fix it. Before it was too late.

Chanyeol pulled out with a hiss, and Jongin winced, throat tight. He felt cold, he needed to be held, he craved aftercare. But as far as Jongin knew, Chanyeol was never fond of it. At least, not with Jongin.

"Are you going out?" Jongin asked as he sat up slowly, feeling the mess gathering between his thighs. In front of him, Chanyeol quietly slipped on his jeans, barely sparing him a glance.

"Yeah…"

"Where?"

"Just out." He replied bluntly, zipping up his pants. 

Jongin covered his nakedness with the hem of his oversized hoodie that he was never given a chance to take off, feeling self conscious and just  _ gross _ . He was leaking down the cushions, but he couldn't bring himself to stand up so soon. His legs still felt jelly-like.

"When will you be back?"

"God damn it, can you not do this?" Chanyeol snapped, scowling down at him. "You know I don't like this."

Jongin winced slightly, hugging his knees to his chest. Despite the startle, he glared up at his boyfriend, unyielding. Chanyeol’s angry outbursts were no longer a surprise to him.

"It's not like I enjoy this either." He huffed out grudgingly. He didn’t want to be the clingy type of boyfriend, the paranoid type much less. He trusted Chanyeol to no extent, but his trust couldn’t keep itself undamaged when Chanyeol kept venturing out without explanations. Sometimes he stayed away for days even, unreachable. And Jongin could only bear so much.

"The maids will be here shortly to clean up. Don't wait for me to be back." Chanyeol leaned down and pressed a firm kiss against Jongin’s lips, and something deep inside his chest tightened. The Chanyeol he had fallen for was still there, deep down, he knew. 

Those random moments of subtle affection gave Jongin hope. A brief kiss, an unconscious hand curling around his own. Those were the signs Jongin chose never to ignore.

He watched Chanyeol walk away, struck by a sudden rush of relief, followed instantly by shame and guilt, biting him right in the ass. 

Many times he fooled himself into believing that all they needed was some space, a break. But then again if he allowed Chanyeol too much of it, Jongin feared he would lose him for good, or even lose himself in the process.

Exhaustion took the best of him after long, tiresome minutes just sitting there, pondering and hurting. He needed a shower, and perhaps some rest too, to allow his mind to quieten. 

However, once inside the bedroom, his mind did the exact opposite of quietening. It was right there where he last saw Sehun, where they nearly crossed the line, where Jongin, for a moment, had wanted them to. 

A sharp shiver ran down his spine when he remembered being in Sehun's arms, feeling him against his own body, so close and warm and safe. 

But in Sehun's own words that wouldn't have been enough. That would have been just a mistake. Jongin felt utterly mortified. 

The shower didn't help wash the shame away, but it appeased the distress enough for him to let himself settle down. 

Despite all the friction left between him and Sehun, Jongin still  _ hated _ where things stood. He cherished Sehun and his friendship even though he knew Sehun's true feelings for him. With that in mind, the last thing he wanted was to break Sehun's heart. 

Skin still damp and torso naked, Jongin sat on the edge of his bed staring down at his cellphone. It was heavy in his hand. Heavier than something that small had a right to be. He hefted it and tossed it a little. He was hesitating, and at the same time he was barely containing himself to hear Sehun's voice. 

Was he really going to do this at all and disturb Sehun? What was he even going to say? Jongin flipped open the phone. Sehun's name showed on the little screen. With a press of a button Jongin could risk it all. All he had to do was press one little button.

The want to talk to Sehun, to see him was so strong it was crawling up his skin, it was burning.

Jongin closed the phone. The screen blinked off, and he tossed it onto the bed next to him. He couldn't do it. Not without figuring this out first. 

Did he like Sehun? What about Chanyeol? He had nothing for answers except more and more twists in his brain.

Jongin lied back on the bed with a dramatic sigh, picking up the phone and placing it on his chest. Just in case. He might do it after all. His eyes closed and his mind drifted.

Unsurprisingly, he saw Sehun. His shy smile directed at him, the never fading fierceness in his gaze, translucent like the gentleness in his… whole existence.

Jongin flipped the phone open once more, clicking to Sehun's name, first on the list. One button. If he pressed it he couldn't turn back. He pressed down. The screen glowed and he clicked through the ringing of Sehun's phone. Somewhere Sehun heard him. Wherever he was, Sehun heard Jongin calling. And he picked up.

"Hello, Jongin." There was a distinctive, recognizable lilt in Sehun's voice, silky and sultry all at the same time, not at all surprised that Jongin was reaching out to him so soon. Almost as if he was… waiting.

Jongin bit his lip and sank into the mattress, feeling a little jittery inside. "Sehun. Hey. What's up?" He tried his best to sound aloof, but as he heard himself he knew how majorly he was failing. 

"I was thinking about you," Sehun said, his voice sounded deeper and lazier through the line. It left Jongin's skin tingling. "I feel like I have to apologize for last night?"

"Not really, you don't." Jongin said, holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he shoved the pillows off his bed and settled on his back, suddenly agitated.

"Mm, glad to hear it." Sehun's voice dropped a bit, picked up a little blur that ran down Jongin's spine like a fingertip. "Should I tell you what I was thinking?"

Jongin froze. Although he didn't really have a script to follow in his mind, it felt like they were, once again, about to cross a line. "Yeah, sure, if you want."

Sehun laughed. "I don't think I was feeling very well last night, and I ended up saying a bunch of crap," he said, chuckling softly. "And I know you won't accept my apologies, but I wanted you to hear it from me anyway."

Jongin closed his eyes--Sehun was honest, selfless and he owned up to his mistakes without a second thought. He was out of this world. "You shouldn't have left, Sehun. I wanted you to stay. I needed you." Jongin caught himself saying, for the first time admitting it out loud to himself. Somehow, it felt freeing.

He could no longer deny it, not when Sehun was offering what Jongin craved the most. Sincerity, devotion. Pure and limitless.

"Really?" Sehun asked, more amused than surprised.

"Yeah, it's like I can still feel you. I keep imagining how it would have felt like if you hadn't left."

"I wouldn't have been able to stop myself if I did," Sehun confessed in a whisper. 

"So what's stopping you now?" Jongin asked, and his voice caught as he popped the button on his jeans and pulled the zipper down. "Talk to me, Sehun."

"There's just so much I want to tell you." Sehun lingered on the words, shaping them carefully, letting them drip off his tongue. "I can't stop thinking about you. About your touch and your body." His voice dropped lower. "It's like… like I'm fucking addicted to you." Sehun sounded intensely into it, without as much as any hesitation, as if he was just waiting for Jongin to give him the push. As if he could barely control himself anymore. 

"If I had to do it over again," he said, low and silky, "I'd do it differently. I would have made you feel so good." And usually Sehun wasn't so verbal, Jongin relied mostly on his expressions to read him, but the urgency of the moment showed a part of him Jongin didn't expect to see. Or hear, in that case. And maybe later Jongin could blame it on his need to finally hit his high spot, but at that moment, he wouldn't deny what Sehun was giving him.

"Yes, tell me, Sehun," Jongin said, remembering the feeling of Sehun's large palms feeling him up, the press of Sehun against him, hot and firm and just not consistent enough under all those layers of clothing. He wanted to feel it sticky with sweat and come and urgency. He slid his hand into his boxers, curling it around his cock, stroking lightly, already starting to get hard.

Sehun laughed, low, and the sound went straight to Jongin's cock. "Mmm. If I'd had you with me this afternoon, it would have been different."

"Different how?" Jongin said, wriggling around to shove his jeans and boxers down. The mattress creaked under him, loud enough that Sehun could probably hear it and guess what he was doing.

"I'd get you down to your knees," Sehun said, voice going velvety in his ear. "I'm sure those pretty lips of yours were made for sucking cock." He heard Sehun shuffling on the other side, "I would fuck that mouth so good, until you were chocking on my cock."

Jongin groaned, spreading his thighs apart, wrapping his fingers around his cock tighter, moving them slowly, closing his eyes at the slow pleasure that wound itself up his spine. "Yeah?" he asked, hearing the roughness in his own voice. "And then what?"

"I would pull you up and kiss you," Sehun told him, softly. "Back you up against a wall and kiss you until your mouth was red, until anyone who looked at you would know that someone had been kissing you like they meant it."

Jongin shivered, imagining it -- Sehun would taste magnificent, he’d be greedy and demanding. "Just kissing?"

Sehun's laugh made him shiver with the heat in it. "Did I say I was going to stop there?" he asked, and Jongin had to swallow. "I'd kiss you till the wall was the only thing holding you up--the wall and my leg between your thighs, holding you there, holding you still, so you could feel me against you but you couldn't do anything about it."

Jongin had to swallow again, and wet his lips, before he could speak properly. "Please, I can't-- Make me come, come on." He tightened his fingers around himself, thumb circling over the head of his cock, slow, heat dragging up his spine.

"Why the rush, baby? I want to take my time with you." Sehun murmured. " So I'd kiss you until you couldn't stand it any more, and were begging--"

Jongin's eyes popped open, and he glared at the ceiling above his bed, a frown forming on his brows. "No, I don't want to beg, Sehun." He wanted none of that anymore. He was tired of begging. 

Sehun huffed, exasperated. "Fine, no begging." Sehun's sigh sounded put-upon. "When I'd kissed you until you couldn't stand it any more, and you were asking in an urgent manner--"

"Better," Jongin muttered, and closed his eyes again, hand resuming its slow stroke over his cock.

"--an urgent, needy and slutty manner," Sehun repeated, firmly, "I'd pull you away from the wall and bend you over the bed, spread your legs wide and strip you naked, eat you out." The exasperation melted out of his voice again. "I'd lean over you, so you could feel me pressing you down holding you there."

"You like the idea of holding me an awful lot, don't you?" Jongin said, but the idea did have some attractive qualities. He could imagine how it would feel to be bent over, Sehun's weight against him, hot and sleek, but so passionate and caring. "Go on."

"Mm, I like the idea of keeping you in one place long enough to appreciate you properly." Sehun was all but purring now. "I would eat you out nice and slow. I like the thought of you bent over, just bare enough for me to take you. Do you think you'd like that, Jongin?"

"I might," Jongin admitted, figuring that the hoarseness in his voice would tell Sehun all he really needed to know.

"Mmm, I thought you might. I'd still take my time, though. I'd open you up slow, put my fingers in you one at a time and fuck you with them, till all you'd be able to do was moan for me."

Jongin did make a sound at that which could, technically-speaking, have been called an explicit, shameless moan, hips starting to lift into his fist as the heat curled tighter, low in his stomach. "Sehun..." He could feel his hole clenching, still loose, but he didn't dare touching himself there. Not when it still had traces of someone else's claim. 

"And then I'd take you," Sehun said, lingering on the words. "I'd spread your knees as wide as they could go, and I'd fuck you, so deep you'd be able to taste it, and slowly, so you could feel every bit of me as I slide in and out of your ass."

Jongin moaned again, imagining the drag of Sehun's obvious huge cock and the rasp of Sehun's jeans against his bare skin, fingers closing tighter around his cock. "Oh... oh… fuck I'm close."

"That's how I would take you," Sehun said, all velvet and honey, "and when you couldn't take any more, I'd reach between your legs and wrap my fingers around you, and make you come so hard that you screamed for me."

The heat broke free and rushed over him, and Jongin arched against the bed, groaning breathlessly as it wrung him out, barely able to remember to keep his grip on the phone as it did. "Sehun...!" Sehun didn't say anything -- just listened to the sounds he made as he gasped for breath, shuddering as the heat subsided again. "Fuck, Sehun," he said, when he could speak again, he just laid there, nonplussed, covered in his own come. The phone rested beside his ear, and he could still hear the sound of Sehun breathing heavily and grunting. Until a stranger's voice sounded distantly from the back.

"Sehun, come back to bed…" 

In between aftershocks from his orgasm, Jongjn felt himself slowly nauseating. Sehun wasn't alone. He was in bed with someone else, which explained the readiness to keep up with Jongin's unexpected needs. 

He reached for the phone with a sticky, trembling hand, and hurriedly disconnected the call. He had no right to feel wronged -- Sehun owed him nothing -- but that didn't help aggravate the pain he felt in his chest. 

Thoughts of Chanyeol crossed his mind then, and as fast as electrocution shot, the sense of fucking up settled itself down his throat. Even if he told himself Chanyeol was just as guilty in this whole situation, the nausea remained, and it only grew, it suffocated him.

And then he drowned in his tears of sheer misery.


	6. Chapter 6

As he rushed down the stairs, he still spotted traces from the latest party scattered about the living room. Empty bottles and even random pieces of unclaimed clothes. The furniture were askew and even damaged. The smell of alcohol still flew through the room. By now, Chanyeol would have hired someone for the clean-up. He either had more important things to do other than having his place fixed or he just didn’t really care about impressions anymore. Jongin suspected the latter. 

“Going somewhere?” Chanyeol’s deep voice rang through the room. Jongin yelped, turning on his heels slowly. Chanyeol stood idly in the kitchen. The bags under his eyes were an undeniable suggestion of a likely instability, but the cigarette proudly tucked between his lips ruled out that possibility.

“Work,” Jongin responded in a frenzy, as if Chanyeol could see right through him. “I have a meeting with Byun Baekhyun.”

Jongin couldn’t shake the immense sense of guilt that was devouring him ever since the last time he… spoke with Sehun. He’d messed up badly. The fact that he’d orgasmed, stimulated only by Sehun’s voice was just the cherry on top of his disturbance. 

Chanyeol eyed him skeptically and for a moment, Jongin suspected he’d voiced his thoughts out loud as Chanyeol ever so slowly approached him.

“Really? Is that why Sehun brought him to the party the other night?” 

“They’re good friends, yeah.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Chanyeol mumbled, tossing the cigarette butt aside, somewhere into the room, joining the remnants of the party. “I’m coming with you.” He blurted, much to Jongin’s dismay.

“Wh-- why?”

“Can’t I accompany my boyfriend?” Chanyeol smirked at him, amusement easily to be found whenever he could flaunt about having Jongin. “Which car do you want me to ride? Should I take the Porsche or the Bentley?” He stared up at the shelf. The array of car keys hung prettily, most of them untouched, just waiting to be picked.

“I’m good with any,” Jongin answered neutrally. He’d ridden a few of Chanyeol’s cars before, but he honestly couldn’t see the appeal of owning so many of them when he barely even used more than three. 

Chanyeol picked the Porsche in the end, spinned the keys around his finger nonchalantly as they headed for the garage, not bothering to open the door for Jongin like he did on their very first few dates. Usually, such negligence wasn't anything to bother Jongin, but lately he couldn’t help but noticed them, or the lack of them, as a matter of fact, almost as if he needed consistent reasons to blame Chanyeol for his own detachment in their relationship. And he was providing plenty of those.

As they drove, Jongin was hit with the urge to ask him where he spent the night, who he’d spent the night with. He knew Chanyeol would refrain from answering. He never did. Instead, he’d accuse Jongin of being intrusive and clingy. Deep down, even if it was an unconscious behavior, Jongin just wanted to accumulate more and more reasons to resent Chanyeol, until it could replace the guilt and make it somehow reasonable. But despite the urge, he decided not to ruin Chanyeol’s mood, after all it had been a while since he last saw him this tireless.

“So he came to the party just to meet you?” Chanyeol broke the silence without averting his gaze from the highway stretching ahead of them. He seemed genuinely curious about Baekhyun, but Jongin didn’t let it get to his head as anything unusual from a boyfriend. 

“Yes, apparently.”

“Does he know you have a boyfriend?”

“I haven’t had the opportunity to tell him. It’s not like I talk boyfriends with people the first time I meet them.” Jongin huffed, his voice sounding too passive aggressive for his own liking. At this point, there were very few people who didn’t know they were dating, considering their high statuses. Chanyeol disregarded the road to glance eerily at him.

“Are you mad or something?”

“No, I’m not. It’s just that-- You don’t need to be jealous. I work with people all the time.” Despite being a little overly possessive when they were surrounded by others, Chanyeol had never kept tabs on Jongin’s friends and coworkers. Jongin enjoyed the attention, but sometimes it was suffocating too.

“This is Baekhyun. He’s not as nice as he looks.”

Jongin's eyes went narrow. “Do you know him?”

“I did,” Rumbled Chanyeol, his jaw clenched slightly, looking like resentment. “Anyway. He’s friends with Sehun. I bet he only brought him over to my place to taunt me.”

Jongin saw Chanyeol's long knuckles tightening around the steering wheel, thickening the suspense.

“What are you talking about?”

“They’re bad news. I told you before. I thought they were together when I saw them. Like, together. But Sehun left the party with someone else.”

“He did?” Something tugged at Jongin's throat. 

“Yeah. With Ten.” Chanyeol affirmed steadily. So it was him in bed with Sehun the other night, calling him so needy. He knew Ten mostly by sight, but it was a known fact he was pretty and unbelievably talented in pretty much everything he did. Jongin swallowed past the lump in his throat and tried to keep his emotions at bay. It was not his place to feel jealous when his actual boyfriend was sitting right by his side. 

“They’re fuckbuddies or something. Or used to be. I don’t really care.” Chanyeol shrugged emphatically. “My point is, they suck.”

At the moment, Jongin agreed. At least when it concerned Sehun. He sucked so much Jongin couldn't even stand hearing his name. Even if these reactions were impractical, Jongin couldn’t help it. 

“He’s not going to be my best friend. This is just business. He wants me to be the new ambassador for his brand, that’s all.” He clarified to his boyfriend, who seemed to give it thought. 

“I gotta keep an eye on him, though. You’re too pretty to be under his greedy hands.” He settled, but as much as Jongin appreciated the thought, he was no longer in the mood to play the fragile boyfriend. 

“I know what I’m doing. I’ll be fine. Thank you.”

“I’m your man, Jongin. And I'll look out for you.” Chanyeol asserted still, and the great weight of his palm over Jongin’s thigh told him he wouldn’t have a change of heart even if Jongin begged.

🏁🏁🏁🏁

Privé Alliance was located in the heart of Gangnam. It towered over the whole city, powerful and staggering. Already, Baekhyun was waiting for Jongin’s arrival at the entrance hall as though he couldn’t contain his enthusiasm. And when he saw Jongin stepped through the large sliding doors, he beamed the brightest smile. 

“Hey, I was looking forward to your presence.”

Jongin stretched a greeting hand for a shake, but Baekhyun went straight for a friendly hug. Jongin tried to reciprocate the gesture, though he felt kind of awkward. Baekhyun was just as warm as he looked. 

“Thank you. Uh… This is my boyfriend. Park Chanyeol.” He gestured at the other, but unlike Baekhyun, his reception was cold and unpleasant to the eyes. Chanyeol stepped ahead even so, offering a hand to the stylist as well.

“Long time no see.” 

Baekhyun didn’t give him the same treatment. Instead, he opted for a quick handshake and less smiles. “Long indeed.”

Jongin watched. Their hands seemed to join firmly and rather uptight, but maybe Jongin was reading too much into it. Chanyeol did mention he had some distaste for the guy, for whatever reasons, which only seemed to pique Jongin’s interest further and further. When their hands finally disconnected, so did their gazes, Chanyeol puffed out his chest and proposed. 

“So, when do I get to pose with Jongin for a couple photoshoot?”

Baekhyun looked a little appalled by the sudden suggestion. “Excuse me?”

“Channie,” Jongin muttered by his side in discretion. It was too soon to be demanding. Jongin hadn’t even signed the contract. But Chanyeol seemed determined to tantalize. 

“Don’t you think it would be a great idea?”

Like the professional he was, Baekhyun simply shook his head, keeping his composure in front of the other’s smirk. 

“I believe it's too soon for that. Besides, our aim is to have one male model for the new collection, and--”

“Chill, I’m just joking,” Chanyeol chimed in with a scoff. “But you should definitely keep the idea in mind. You wouldn’t be disappointed. I think you’re aware that I’ve modeled before.” 

“I sure am. Now, if you don’t mind I need to have a few words with Jongin in private.” Baekhyun brought forth a friendly smile again, resting a hand on Jongin’s back to lead him into his office. Chanyeol’s smirk faltered. 

“Wait here. It won’t take long.” Jongin assured him, and only when Chanyeol sprawled himself down on a seat, could Jongin breathe a sigh of relief. 

🏁🏁🏁🏁

Baekhyun was a lovely and wise guy. Very charming too. He talked fashion with passion, and he laid out ambitious plans for Jongin and his collection release. Business aside, he was lively and well-intended. For some reason, Jongin found himself wanting to be friends with him. They hit it off. It seemed like they could be great ones. 

“I’m really excited to have you with us, Jongin. I’m aiming really high for us.” Baekhyun told him eagerly, crossing one leg over the other like a successful businessman when talking deals. 

“I’m glad too.”

Baekhyun’s gaze surveyed Jongin, and suddenly the mood in the room shifted. Baekhyun seemed to ponder briefly about something, something he could see within Jongin. His head tilted slightly, and Jongin grew self-conscious. This gaze was different from the ones he received from stylists and brand CEOS. Jongin was used to those, for they never lacked astonishment by his beauty. However, the way Baekhyun looked at him resembled concern.

“Would you really want to work with Park Chanyeol?” The question came as a surprise to Jongin. But the answer surprised him even more. Because he didn’t have one. A couple of months ago he would have promptly exclaimed from the bottom of his lungs the most excited yeses. He would’ve arranged it meticulously to grace the most popular magazine willing to have them. But now, he found himself hesitating for a simple answer.

“Hmmm…. I mean-- Well, maybe in the future?” He shrugged, indecisively. Maybe it would be too over-the-top. Cringe even. The idea just seemed to be like a major turn-off now. Baekhyun seemed to agree, nodding slightly. 

“Have you worked with him before?”

“Not really,” Baekhyun clicked his pen repeatedly, like the subject somehow troubled him. There was something that Jongin struggled to piece together. He thought he could dig a little further.

“He said you two have known each other for a while.”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Jongin prodded, all friendliness pushed aside. Baekhyun shifted in his seat and ran a hand through his head, as if he was searching for the suitable words to tell. Apprehension crawled up Jongin’s chest. 

“Well… I’m certainly not the one to be telling you this. Chanyeol and I used to be boyfriends.”

“Oh,” Was all that came out of Jongin’s mouth, body going completely still. Boyfriends. Exes. That explained much yet not enough. Anyhow, Jongin was still rooted in his seat, unable to move or speak. 

“I figured I should be honest with you. I hope this doesn’t damage our plans. I really want to work with you.” Baekhyun said, all but honest. He looked a little tensed up too, but unlike Jongin he knew how to keep it at bay. 

“Oh,” Jongin repeated, brow creasing in bewilderment. “What happened? Between the two of you?”

Baekhyun sighed. It seemed like he had so much to tell, but in the end he just shook his head and backtracked his thoughts. “I think you should ask him that. But honestly, I believe things have been set straight between us.” He reassured before his elegant hand slowly reached out to him. “Jongin, will we be okay? Be honest with me.”

“Yeah, sure. Yeah. I trust you. I’ll talk to him about it.” Jongin shook away the discomfort, and managed a smile too, appreciative of Baekhyun’s sincerity. 

“I believe we should wrap it up here then?”

“Yeah. Of course.” Jongin rose to his feet, rubbed his clammy palms over his thighs. “Again, thank you so much.” 

Thankfully, Baekhyun soon recovered and brought back his gleeful smile, putting the mood at ease once again. He led Jongin towards the exit, where Chanyeol waited, arms crossed and brow knitted. 

“Finally. I was starting to worry,” He took Jongin by the wrist and tugged him close. “Was he nice to you?”

Jongin exchanged a glance with Baekhyun, but he couldn’t read what he saw in the other’s expression. It didn’t look comforting. Maybe it was heartache.

“He was. It was wonderful.” Jongin feigned delight, but in fact, he was feeling a little downhearted inside. He didn’t quite know why.

“It was lovely having you,” Baekhyun said, reaching to pat Jongin on the shoulder. Chanyeol caught the brief gesture, and when he looked at Baekhyun again, he smiled and said.

“Send my regards to Tayeong, will you?”

There was silence then. Beakhyun’s face hardened, and he swallowed down what could only be resentment. “No, I don’t think I will,” He said, voice hoarsely “We’re not together anymore.”

“Now, that’s a surprise, isn’t it?” Chanyeol scoffed. The dimple on his cheek only accentuated his satisfaction. Jongin darted his eyes between the two of them in confusion. He didn’t know who Taeyong was, but it was definitely someone who stood between them in the past. 

“People break up. It happens.” Baekhyun muttered, straining to keep up a straight face. The whole corridor was buzzing with tension, and Jongin was merely an outsider there. 

“Chanyeol, can we go now, please?”

“Sure,” Chanyeol assented, draping an arm around Jongin’s waist and once again pulling him close as they made their way to the elevators. Jongin could feel Baekhyun’s gaze following them as they walked away. Though it didn’t feel threatening, the look in Chanyeol’s eyes did, when he chanced one last glance behind, to his ex boyfriend. 

🏁🏁🏁🏁

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“About what?”

“About Baekhyun.” Jongin gritted out, stepping away from Chanyeol. “Is that why you wanted to come? To show me off like a trophy to your ex? You could have spared me from that embarrassment.” 

They stood in the middle of the lot. The sky was vast upon them. Strings of posh cars circled all around them. Chanyeol rolled his eyes, and placed his hands at his hips, showing indignance. 

“He told you,” He scorned. “What an asshole.”

“No, Chanyeol. He isn't. He was honest with me.” Jongin grunted. He was angry like he never felt before, and perhaps it was unnecessary, but it wasn’t like he could control his emotions very well. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Who’s Taeyong?” Jongin questioned sharply. “Why were you trying to put Baekhyun down?”

“Taeyong is the one Baekhyun chose over me.” Chanyeol spluttered, anger manifesting in his whole face. It was a scary sight, but Jongin was used to it. “Isn’t that what you wanted to hear?”

“Do you still have feelings for him?” That could be the only explanation for all the picking. And the fact that Chanyeol used him only infuriated Jongin further, “What are you feeling now, knowing that he’s not with his boyfriend anymore? Do you feel better than him now because you have a pretty boy like me to boast around?”

“Please, you want to get rid of me so bad, don’t you?” Chanyeol retorted, his laugh was mad in every sense. “Don’t you think I know what you’re trying to do? You want an excuse so you can run to your precious Sehun.”

Jongin shook his head woefully. “What are you talking about?”

“How stupid do you think I am? I know you want to fuck him. You think I believe this fucking fake friendship going on between the two of you? Have you already spread your legs for him like the worthless bitch you are?” He grabbed Jongin by the arm and growled into his face. Jongin tried to wriggle free of him to no avail. Needless to say, Chanyeol was strong. 

“Let go of me. If you hurt me, I’ll hurt you back.” Jongin was strong too, perhaps not as strong as Chanyeol but enough to fight back for his dignity. 

“Aren’t we already doing that?”

“Like you care! Do you seriously think I don’t see it? The hickeys and the fucking texts messages you keep receiving on your phone?” He spat. The grip around his bicep was visibly bruising now. It ached too. But Jongin stood his ground, unwilling to back down.

Chanyeol shoved him forcefully against the side of a jeep. “Now you wanna play the caring boyfriend? I‘m fucking done with you meddling in my business.”

Quickly, Jongin found his balance, and tried to reach for Chanyeol, who reeled back, turning away from him.

“Get the fuck out of my face,” He yelled for the whole lot to hear, and Jongin winced, hoping there was no one to witness that. He watched Chanyeol stomp away, frozen in place. Even his tears were frozen. His heart too.

So he waited. Until he made sure he was all alone, until he heard the roar of Chanyeol’s engine setting off. He’d walk back on his own to his place, and only then he would let himself cry and maybe punch his pillows to dull his frustrations. The first steps he took felt heavy, almost like his legs didn’t belong to himself, but he managed, rather slow. 

But when he rounded the facade of the building, he saw Sehun standing by the door, looking dazzling as ever without even trying. His hair fell over his pretty face as his goddamn piercing eyes looked at him as if he was looking at a god that had descended from heaven. 

“It’s all your fucking fault!” Jongin groaned, charging at him. He shoved Sehun by the chest, but he barely even staggered.

“What-- what are you talking about? What’s wrong?” Sehun caught the next attempt to shove him, but his grip was gentle. It was grounding. Jongin wanted to be held. By Sehun. He wanted to lean against that chest, be enveloped by those arms and never be hurt again. He thought there was no one better than Sehun to protect him. Even when Jongin was big enough to need no protecting. He’d want Sehun’s only. 

“I don’t know how I fucking feel about you!”

“What happened?” Sehun frowned at him. He looked so much more attractive when he frowned and his small lips curved down. Jongin let out a sob. “Jongin?”

Another sob broke forth, but it was out of anger, more like a groan. There were no tears. Just fury. But it all melted away as soon as Sehun embraced him, tucked him against his sturdy chest, so warm and gentle. And finally, Jongin cried.

🏁🏁🏁🏁

When the tears ceased, there was only a sinking embarrassment left. Yet, Sehun didn’t ask. He just let Jongin let out all he needed to as he held him. Now, they sat on a bench somewhere in a playground. Jongin had no clue of his current location, but he was sort of enjoying seeing the children running cheerfully around the small field and yelling out for no reason. There were rabbits too. Chubby and fluffy and white. Jongin loved them. Besides, he was with Sehun, so all the rest could be damned. 

“What were you doing there?”

“I was supposed to have lunch with Baekhyun hyung. He did tell me to arrive a few minutes earlier. I think he was up to something.” Sehun said. A soft breeze swirled past him. His hair flew around his face, and Jongin could swear that was the most peaceful thing he’d seen that day. 

“Well, I’m sure he wasn’t expecting Chanyeol to show up with me.”

“He did? Where is he?” Sehun peeked over his shoulder and then around. But he didn’t look affected by the other’s possible presence. Sehun never showed fear. Not racing, not arguing with Chanyeol. Not even when he lost a match. 

“He left.” Jongin said, but he had long lost the will to feel sorry for himself. “How’s Ten by the way?” The question spilled from his mouth even before he knew it. It was too late to stop himself now.

He wasn't even thinking about it anymore. Now it was all over his mind. Sehun pinning Ten, all small and petite down a surface, fucking hard into him. That thought was manageable to shake away, but when he thought about Sehun snuggling up to him so intimately, maybe even romantically, Jongin was pretty sure he was on the verge of tears again. 

“Ten? I think he’s good.” Sehun said nonchalantly, almost like he didn't care. It gave Jongin hope. For what, he had no idea. 

“Of course he is. I’ve heard you left the party with him. After we--” He gestured vaguely to the air. What had they done at the party besides some cuddling anyway? 

“After we what?” Sehun didn't even seem like he wanted to remember it. “We didn’t do anything.” He said, confirming Jongin's thoughts. However, there had been something else that couldn't just be ignored. 

“We did. After. On the phone.”

“That wasn’t anything serious.” Sehun averted his gaze, staring at the kids playing with sand instead. Jongin's heart tightened a little. He'd sounded so sure of himself when he told Jongin all the dirty things he thought about doing to him. 

“Anyway. I didn’t know you two were that close. You and Ten.” Jongin cleared his throat, changed the subject before it started to hurt too much. 

“We’re not. We just fuck sometimes.”

“Is he, like… good? In bed? Does he do the things you enjoy?” Now he was just babbling and embarrassing himself to the highest degree. Sehun scowled at him, and he shook his head in refusal.

“I’m not talking about it with you.”

“Why not? Aren’t we friends? Friends talk about this stuff.” 

“Because you’re clearly very upset right now and I still don’t know why.” Sehun stared at him, and there was not a single trace of playfulness in his eyes. He kept his stare set dead-on, and it was all but unsettling. Sehun usually avoided looking into the eyes of other people, Jongin's especially. He had noticed it. But now that he was stuck in the other's gaze, he really didn't want to let go.

“I think Chanyeol just dumped me.” He rasped, without looking away from Sehun's wonderful eyes, which immediately drenched in concern.

“What?! Are you serious?” He took Jongin's hand. Even his hand was warm. Calloused, but it felt soothing to the touch. “Why would he do that?”

“Because of you. Because of us.” Jongin shrugged numbly. He didn't know if he was still under shock or just aloof to this entire situation. He felt like he should be caring a little more, but maybe that wasn't a bad thing. Maybe it meant his heart was stronger than he thought. 

“What did you tell him?”

“Nothing. I found out about him and Baekhyun. We fought. He pushed me. End of story.”

Sehun's face fell, like he had been punched in the stomach. “Did he hurt you?” He reached to check over Jongin, but he plucked his hands away from the racer and shrunk into himself, pushing the sleeves of his shirt to cover the bruises on his bicep. They were quite visible now. 

“I’m fine,” He huffed, but Sehun clearly didn't believe him. 

“No. You aren’t.”

“You knew about it, didn’t you?” 

The question threw Sehun off for a second. It was an unmistakable fact that Sehun was aware of whatever went down between Chanyeol and Baekhyun, but Jongin didn't hold it against him. He just felt foolish and clueless for not deducing it sooner. 

“Yeah. I was there the whole time. I got them together.”

Jongin fumbled nervously with the hem of his shirt, his mind was conjuring up all sorts of unfortunate scenarios. He hated how pessimistic he could be whenever he faced problems. He didn't know how to keep it in check.

“Was that why you brought him to the party?”

“No, why would I do that?” Sehun sounded offended in the least. “He wanted to meet you. I wouldn’t try to set them up together again. I know it would hurt you.”

“But it’s not,” He confessed. “It’s not hurting. Not that much.” It lessened with every breath he took, and it was somehow scary. He wanted to feel it. He thought he deserved the sorrow, the ache. But all he felt was this warm, fluttering feeling in his stomach when Sehun looked at him. It felt good, but also wrong. 

“Did you mean it?” Sehun asked quietly, almost as if he was reluctant to ask. “About not knowing what you feel for me?”

Jongin shrugged again. It was easier. It spoke the words he couldn't speak for himself. “I guess so.”

“I know what I feel for you, Jongin. I’ve known for a while now.”

It was admirable how true Sehun was to his feelings. He knew what he felt. Jongin envied him for that. Again, the fluttering feeling sprung inside him, and Jongin almost asphyxiated in it. 

“But I need to be careful about it. Chanyeol isn’t in his right mind.” He sighed, sitting back to stare up at the sky as if the answers to his problems would just fall from the clouds. His words echoed in Jongin's mind, until they sunk in. 

“What do you mean?”

The reluctance in Sehun grew, like he had slipped something he shouldn't have shared. He rubbed a hand down his face and sighed.

“He’s sick. Has been for a while. His mind is not okay.”

Panic rose within Jongin. Certainly, Sehun wouldn't joke about that. The look of sheer concern in his eyes only reinforced that. Jongin was hit with thoughts of all of Chanyeol's outbursts, recklessness and self-punishment that Jongin had mistook for a basic case of mental pressure. Looking at the whole picture, it all made sense.

“What? Is he--” Jongin paused as guilt latched around his throat. “What’s wrong with him?”

“It’s been going on for a while, even before he met you. He’s mentally unstable. And it’s only getting worse.” The more Sehun explained, the more Jongin’s mind reeled. He wanted to laugh it off and say Sehun was wrong, but the constant smoking, drinking and partying couldn't just be brushed off. Maybe it was all his own fault that Chanyeol reached so low, for Jongin failed to take care of him.

“I have to go,” Jongin bolted to his feet, but Sehun's hand firmly wrapped around his wrist in an attempt to stop him. 

“Wait. Jongin. He’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure about that?” 

Sehun couldn't find an answer even if he tried, and lying wasn't his strong suit either. Slowly, he dropped Jongin's wrist, unable to offer him any more reason to stay. 

“He needs me. I can’t leave him right now.”

“Jongin, please…” Sehun knew it would be selfish to ask Jongin to choose. Even if he was no longer Chanyeol's friend, he still didn't want to harm him. Not like this. Jongin didn't have any other option either. He felt partially responsible and guilty for he kept trying to search for excuses to push him away when he should be looking after him. He should have noticed it sooner, if he wasn't so distracted by his own feelings and Sehun’s existence. 

In the end, every single word Chanyeol had uttered to him in the parking lot turned out to be true. Jongin needed to apologize and fix his mistakes before he could allow himself to move on and find happiness for himself.

“I’m sorry, Sehun.” He said, making his choice. Even if his heart was begging him to choose Sehun, in the end, consumed by guilt and regret, Jongin walked away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a couple of chapters more to end the story :)

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you expect to happen next.
> 
> [X](https://twitter.com/_sehuning_)  
> Find me on twitter!


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